Every so often bumf arrives in my door. Most of this junk mail is clearly for the recycle or compost bins, but sometimes it gets read through.
The supermarket ones get a once over, just in case there are forthcoming bargains.
Looking at the SuperValu leaflet which features their price cuts since March, TheChrisD pointed something out.
“Its not exactly a typical weekly shop.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well look at the items on this receipt, who buys packs of ‘Always Ultra Normal Plus’ on a weekly basis?”
“Well, I can see someone going through a pack in a very heavy week, but I don’t think they would be a weekly item. Then again, I know that they can be used as incontinence pads. So it could be someone with a problem in that area.”
“That’s a typical shopper?”
“No its probably the items that you’d get the most back in reductions.”
“So who would gain?”
“Go through the list.”
“Here is another one, who would use up a bottle of Baby lotion in a week?”
“Strippers.”
“What?”
“Think about it, when the show ends they are wearing a smile, some sweat and a sheen of baby oil. Looks better under the lights.”
“Okay….”
“Anything else odd on the list?”
“100 cotton buds.”
“Part of the act?”
“A seven pack of Hula Hoops?”
“For Maxi Cane to nibble off the toes of the strippers.”
“er… a tub of Brylcreem Wet LookGel.”
“I know guys who go through a tub a week. Maybe is for the look. Or its a troupe of male strippers.”
“Maxi will be disappointed.”
“Or its for the look. Anything else?”
“Mr. Muscle Foamer. You can’t use a bottle of that in a week.”
“Could be part of the act.”
“What!”
“Well you know the tin of whipped cream act.”
“No?”
“It turns out that if you do the act with whipped cream, its quite dangerous as bits drip off and the stage, or rather backstage gets oily. If you slip you could break something.”
“And the baby oil won’t do that?”
“No it soaks in. Usually they use shaving foam, it dissolves dry. Having said that, the foamer would probably wreck their skin. Maybe its to clean the shower at each venue.”
“How do you know this?”
“Friend in the industry. Was on a cycling holiday with his dad a few years back. Still get the odd e-mail every now and again.”
“Okay… back to the list. You wouldn’t use a 5 pack of razor blades in a week.”
“You might if its a troupe.”
“Bottle of Lynx Shower gel?”
“Showers before and after each performance. Possible. And the roadie might use it too.”
“Almost 3kg of washing powder?”
“Costumes need cleaning. White uniforms and oil stains don’t go together very well.”
“A kilo of parsnips?”
“Eating healthy?”
“A full tub of vaseline?”
“Freaking out the check out staff?”
“So you’re saying that the typical SuperValu shop is filled with troupes of nubile strippers doing their weekly shopping?”
“Of course they wouldn’t be in their costumes. Maybe. It would explain a few things. It would be interesting to find out.”
“Explain a few things? Are you going to the shops soon?”
“Why?”
Will
p.s. I wonder if any other shops have this side by side receipt comparison where you can invent their typical or fantasy shopper?
July 16th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
[...] kid you not, we actually had this conversation Sunday evening. Or was it Saturday…? I forget. I lost the concept of what day it is ages [...]
July 16th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
You’re right, they’d have to be female strippers.
And Original flavour Hula Hoops.
July 17th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
I think that was @ChrisD’s shopping list that you were looking at!
July 19th, 2009 at 10:12 am
oh no. He wouldn’t be a good stripper… you could ask him about it if you like. He might try it out, just for you
July 19th, 2009 at 10:13 am
What is Original flavour? Salted?